Me and my Shadow
I often say to people that Shadow work used to scare me because I thought it was dark work and painful, but with time and years of various trainings, I have come to see Shadow work as an awareness that leads to consciousness, and I actually love supporting my clients through this inner work, which I feel is true heart work.
The irony is not lost on me that last Wednesday, I was scheduled to teach our regular curriculum for our Breathwork Students, a class on Embracing our Shadow - the same day my husband and I were scheduled to be online from 12:30 pm - 4:30 pm in an online tribunal with our legal council as we have had a tenant who stopped paying rent 5 months ago. This particular situation has definitely brought up some shadow for both of us, but the days leading up to our online court session and mediation, and then the day of, brought us to our peak!
I really leaned on the Presence Process, and shared the mantra with my husband, " I AM HERE, NOW IN THIS," to support us both in staying present and not getting wrapped up in emotions or story.
It is quite a task when you are feeling all these feelings, to not get caught up, triggered, or project onto the person, as we always feel it is personal.
So What is the Shadow?
"Our shadow is like a 'bag' we carry behind us, filled with the parts of ourselves we have labeled unworthy." - Debbie Ford
"Our unresolved childhood emotions remain active until we bring presence to them." - Michael Brown
The Shadow is often an unintegrated part of ourselves that is often triggered or mirrored in another or a situation, and can influence us unconsciously in how we see the world and how we move through the world. It is big and beautiful work - and it truly is a lifetime's commitment.
Last Wednesday was emotional and quite draining for me and then I had 1 hr break before I had a 2.5-hour teaching on this subject. I must say that I am in love with my team, who absolutely fill my cup and carry me through! Plus I am devoted to our cohort who are so very present and committed to their breathwork journey that I easily found myself in my zone of teaching a subject I absolutely love!
Situations like this one that I was in press directly on the places where compassion, responsibility, boundaries, and money all intersect, and that combination can feel deeply personal even when the matter itself is procedural.
What tends to surface in moments like this is not just the logistics of unpaid rent, but the inner questions:
Am I being too hard?
Am I being taken advantage of?
Where is the line between care and self-respect?
When those themes activate together, it can feel like shadow territory because I am holding both my heart and my authority at the same time.
There’s a particular kind of shadow work that comes with being a space holder or someone in service: learning that maintaining clear agreements and consequences is not a failure of compassion. In fact, it’s often an expression of integrity. When people don’t meet their commitments, the most grounded response is not to collapse into rescuing or to harden into anger, but to stand in the middle. To be clear, factual, and steady.
That middle ground can feel uncomfortable because it asks us to let go of the need to be seen as “understanding” while avoiding becoming adversarial. You’re simply allowing reality to be acknowledged. Money owed is money owed. Agreements and commitments do matter and that’s not punitive; it’s simply structure. As a space holder, this can sometimes be tricky for us.
The shadow element here may be less about the other person or situation and more about what this activates in me:
The discomfort of holding someone accountable.
The old conditioning that many of us caregivers carry around money and fairness.
The tension between generosity and sustainability.
The fear of being perceived as unkind when you’re actually being responsible.
In that sense, last week was actually less a confrontation and more an integration point for my husband and me. We were being asked to stand as people who can be compassionate and boundaried without collapsing into either extreme.
This is what I learned: this is mature leadership energy, even if it doesn’t feel pleasant in the moment.
And this is what I know: Something massive is shifting within me, how I walk in the world, how I run my business, how I navigate my marriage, how I serve and hold space for others, and I believe it has something to do with the years and layers of shadow work I continue to meet and presence.
At 51 years of age, I have truly integrated so many unmet parts in the last decade, and that is the maturity that is beginning to come through in my work and my life.
There are changes afoot in Divine Roots - I can feel them and you will probably start to notice shifts in my offerings. My discernment and boundaries are simply the highest they have ever been as a reflection on my life's journey and this beautiful and healthy balance that I am now living.
I GIVE THANKS TO MY SHADOWS
My younger self would not be able to see this because I used to believe life happened TO ME. My present self is beyond grateful for the continued layers of medicine that have and continue to shape and transform my life as I know now LIFE FLOWS THROUGH ME.
So, thank you to the shadows and the medicine.
It you are looking for some great reads to support your shadow work journey - check out my friend Pat Divilly - Shadow Work or one of my faves, Debbie Ford's The Dark Side of the Light Chaser
Me and my Shadow | Frank SInatra
As always, I thank you for walking with me xx
x Rebecca (and all my layers!)
