When the medicine brings you to your knees

I am not quite sure where to begin this note. I wrote this line, " When the Medicine brings you to your knees," in my journal during my tobacco dieta on a really tough day.

I took this photo of myself - Day 3. My body was screaming with pain and my bones were on fire; I was hollow from the inside out; super weak, I couldn't stop crying, and I just wanted to go home.

To be truthful, I feel like I have been in integration since Egypt and then Avalon. I spent May - August praying in the water door, and then, due to family circumstances, I gave up the last 6 weeks of summer that were planned with my husband to support family. Throw a tobacco diet in there - and it was like a baseball bat to the back of the knees.

This is not the first time a ceremony, prayer, or medicine has taken me out like this. This is the medicine working its magic. This is the forced shutdown for the reboot. This is the precision of the technology that we are working with.

But as Roy Kent from Ted Lasso would say ..."Fuuuuccccckkk!"

When I get taken to my knees like this, I am deep in my inner work. I cannot zoom out and see any macro concept; I am simply in the space of my inner world, my soulscape, and my spirit's path, along with my human self and the shadow parts that are here to be met.

I do these prayers for me, for my work and my path, for my ancestors and family line, and for the greater collective. I go into these places within as my own vision quest of sorts.

When the medicine knocks me down like this for days, it is the ultimate act of presencing. You can't do anything but be in it. You cannot ruminate about tomorrow and wallow in the past. All you have capacity for is the now.

THIS IS THE MEDICINE.

This is what we are tasked with as human beings: to be present in our walk, our life, our breath, and presencing is getting harder with the access we have to technology and information. A forced quiet and inner scan of your being and world is not simple, let alone unhooking from everything we have become dialed into.

This particular dieta this year was both soft and hard. It didn't have the visceral discomfort that I have had in the past. I hardly purged, although I was working with both Tobacco and a powerful and potent tree. And yet I was incredibly weak; every time I drank the medicine, I was blasted out of my body, I channeled language and sounds I have never made before, and I had to lie down for an hour after to find my way again. I received profound healings for my heart and my family line. And I was leveled up in a way that I am still processing what I am here to do for the remaining days of my earth walk.

I am a little daunted and stunned. It's not like the information or understanding is new; it just feels much more real than ever before. It's more like the assignment makes sense now, and I understand on a deeper level.

Most people do not understand what I do, or why I do it, and that is ok. Many people think I am off on vacation and rest, but these experiences are incredibly tough and are hard work, not just for our bodies, but for our energetic bodies, minds, and souls. We are literally checking into spiritual hospitals to be cleared, reorganized, and upgraded. And yes, I do this for myself and my ancestors to continue clearing karmic bonds and ties so that I can change the trajectory of my lineage, but this is also a huge part of my work - it is how I can do what I do.

For me, these experiences are not negotiable; it's what allows me to keep walking the path in clarity and humility. And sometimes I need to be brought to my knees. I can tell you this: every time I have - my life and my field have experienced quantum shifts... it simply is part of my process.

This beautiful tree technology that I am sitting with will remain unnamed for a while as I continue to integrate it and learn to work with it in my field, but everything is on track.

As I continue to integrate, almost a month since I closed the dieta and now preparing to go pray in Peru, 2026 is closing in as a massive year of growth, shedding, and massive leaps in my own consciousness and understanding.

As I look back, it has been a huge year, one where I have prayed at multiple ancient sacred sites and planetary grids, and returning to Peru in 2 weeks for more.

I am grateful for the medicine. I am grateful for the breath. I am grateful for the opportunity to be alive and consciously choose to walk forward and to be a part of this current history and collective.

I spent a lot of time lying down because that is all my body could handle...I took this photo because I could feel myself moving into light and the sun started to shine through.

I spent a lot of time lying down because that is all my body could handle...I took this photo because I could feel myself moving into light and the sun started to shine through.

To all those walking with me here, thank you.

We walk this path together; we do the work alone.

x Rebecca